I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
