is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
