i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
