Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
should my penis look like a turkey
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
