I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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