Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
