there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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