I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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