were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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