I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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