The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
