okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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