why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
