my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
