i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Alive.
So much puke
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
