Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
