It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
