I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love having hate sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
