Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
