Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
