O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
