I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
sex in a hospital.. check
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
