Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
