Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
