i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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