am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
