Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
