There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there is glitter all over my balls
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