dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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