my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
