Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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