He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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