dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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