There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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