Will you blow on my dice?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
