we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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