Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
