what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
