I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
