you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
