so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
