i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk is not a location!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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