Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
