Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
