she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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