where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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