am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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