Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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