just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
