just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
